Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Not Idle Threats

Macy is a little shit. She just does not want any love from me, and will routinely bite me when I try to show her some. With her AKC papers laying on the counter, I am contemplating registering her full AKC name as "I am the demon of hell fire".

She will not listen to me, and takes perverted canine pleasure in seeing me at my wits end. Not only that, but everytime I throw her a line like "You're cute, but you are a real bitch", my wife hits the roof. "Don't say that out loud" she yells. Just yesterday I whispered in Macy's ear "I'm shopping for a little brown girl. She won't be as cute as you, but a hell of a lot nicer" in an attempt to create some anxiety or guilt that would make her step back and reconsider her disdain for me. It only strengthened her resolve...and resulted in two more puncture wounds on my arm and a brutal dry humping attack. Did I mention how cute she is?

I don't know how to handle this little pisser. I've never owned a pet that showed so little disregard for my attention. Even my cool old dude cat Scotch is more friendly to me than the black plague Macy is, and he is a CAT for Christ sakes!

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