Turkey Hunt

If you took a mans scrotum complete with twin berries, chafed it up with a rasp, infected it with smallpox, scalded it in boiling water, then beat it black and blue with a ball bat....you would have a reasonable representation of the head of Meleagris gallopavo...The North American Wild Turkey.

Unquestionably..from the chest up..THE ugliest fucking bird on the planet. I shot this one a couple of weeks ago because, despite the looks, the eats are great.
That's John K's son Zach on the right with his similarly ugly Tom.

Shiftless

one of the things I miss about working (yes I am STILL sans job), was that I was inevitably parked in front of my computer all day. If I had a thought...or some would say the absence of one...I could post it on here as it happened. Now I am running around somewhere tying up loose ends, and I think something, and say "That needs to be blogged", but I always have something else on my mind when I actually COULD do it.

You, the faithful, suffer as a result.

While that may not be quite the truth, we all know that a daily step into Gomer's Pyle is just the olfactory assault you need to finally come to grips with the fact that your life is not quite so rank as you thought. The deliciously oozy feeling you get when the Pyle is forced between your toes, serves as a constant reminder that they do, really, need to be washed occasionally. For your own well being.

So...prepare for the treatment. Gomer's Spa has just the right Eau de Pyle' to bring you to aromatherapy nirvana. A catch-up session packing 100% of the U.S. RDA of pungent, shiftless, nonsensical, blogging claptrap.

1. Since my last post the snow is gone. It's now brown and ugly...but that much closer to fishing season.

2. Since my last post, I have sold the gun I creamed my jeans over last summer because I did not really like it. The money will be applied to wine...which I am quite sure I enjoy.

3. I have a line on a job...even a damned good looking resume', but nobody has seen it yet. (I keep telling myself it might work that way if I will it enough.)

4. My tournament partner and I have secured another paying sponsor to our fishing season. That is an incredible financial relief. Now only a paltry 73% of our costs remain uncovered. No fucking wonder I went out of business.

5. I've sold a few more fishing rods for less than it cost me to build them...ditto #4.

6. Maximum Impact Rods is sponsoring a spring-league sporting clays team, of which I am of course a member. Never mind that it costs $225 to sponsor the team, and I don't really have a business, nor any kind of offsetting income. Ditto #4...but I thought the shirts would look cool.

7. I am finally exercising. This is a fact evidenced by my belts becoming too big. I have attacked the process with my usual freakish obessionism, which conclusively has contributed to my nearly broken ankle, pulled leg muscles and tender buttocks. It is also making me much more regular...which in turn...makes your daily dose of Gomer's Pyle easier to obtain. (No Hawaii or Alaskan orders please...I am currently shipping only to the contiguous 48.)

8. Last but not least...I think I am feeling more optimistic about my future. The combination of the good looking resume' along with the regular exercises, has proven to me that I am finally of the mindset to grab the bull by the balls and risk the goring. I may just get a job, quit thinking about fishing 24 hours a day, and re-enter society.

I said I may. Digging deep enough into the Pyle reveals plenty 'nuff self loathing left to keep your feet happy for a while. I think I will go fishing.

It's in like a lion

I guess we're having what they call a blizzard here in Wisconsin.

I have not seen it snow this hard since sometime way back in my childhood...about 3"-4" per hour. The forecast is for up to 22" of snow, blown around wildly by 35 mph winds, then more tomorrow and ending Saturday.

Sweet. I don't even have anything to get "closed" on me (a benefit of unemployment), so it's just another day of laying around watching TV.

And plowing snow.

Today makes me VERY glad I don't have 30 tractor-trailers and drivers on the road anymore. Guaranteed...those folks are having some MAJOR problems right about now!

Road trip

Everyone is on vacation except me! I'm unemployed, I can spare the time, yet for some strange reason I am here dealing with everyone's problems except my own while they bask somewhere in Margaritaville. I'm watching houses, selling real-estate, dogsitting, and generally being the whipping boy for those more "blessed" to be away from this god-awful snow.

I want to leave; to just take off. Like some freakshow runaway-bride...headed out of State at precisely the time everyone is looking for her...I have contemplated hooking up the boat and just starting to drive; driving away miles while I drive up the credit card. Destination UNKNOWN, but assuredly some place loaded with bass to cure my cabin fever. A large effigy of a hand wielding the middle finger on the rear window of the Tahoe, not-so-symbolically telling the world to F---off as I drive into spontaneous adventure. I want to be alone...but not like this. Not here, but on a lake with my rods, my boat, and my thoughts.

Lake Baccarac in Mexico?
Lake Fork in Texas?
Lake Toho in Florida?
Perhaps, but most likely nowhere. Most likely here. Most likely miserable.

Goddamnned responsibility always seems to win.

Eddie, this is the real tomato ketchup.

Why is it that the local rock scene around Champaign/Urbana Il. & Kansas City MO produced so many great bands during the mid to late 90s? I've just discovered another one I had previously overlooked, a now defunct band called Shiner. Just another excellent but unrecognized contributor to what I call "Grain belt" post-rock...that special, unique, and quite excellent sound of bands from mid-sized cities of the lower Midwest.

Shiner is quickly becoming one of my favorite bands of all time (and that says a LOT because I am a music FREAK who regularly listens to everything from Opera to Electronica). This is not the "woe is me-I've got a zit-my gal left me and I hate my parents" claptrap that passes for alternative rock THESE days. The prepubescent post-emo dorks who are now so popular could really learn a thing or two about musicianship from the grain-belt bands of the 90s. That was music you had to listen to. Music you had to think about...and it made you want to think.
If you know any HUM at all, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Why the hell was I in lame old Western Wisconsin during the early 90s, when I could have been doing just as much drinking in some city further south? The difference is I would have been doing it while seeing shows by the likes of Castor, Hum, Shiner, and many others. That CU/KC sound is so different, like the Seattle sound was during the same period. So different and so fresh...and it still is.

I'm now in a panic, and redoubling my efforts to track down even MORE music from the grain-belt 90's before they are lost to history. To think I almost missed discovering Shiner makes me cringe...and wonder how much more I've been missing.

So what have I really been doing?

Shh...don't tell anyone, but I have been on a rodbuilding frenzy since January. Head over to the rodbuilding page for a peek at some of my recent projects.

Violence will ensue

If my mother asks me one more time "have you found a job yet?".
If I have to explain to one more fucking person why I wasn't able to "just retire".


There are a host of other things that could elicit a violent reaction from me given my current state, but these are the sure bets.

Ahhh.....Heaven

THANK YOU JEFE for being so generous with that 1999 Remelluri Rioja! It was heaven in a bottle, drunk so selfishly whilst my wife was away in FL. Sorry honey!

I have not had a comparable bottle in a long, long time!

I MUST be F-en crazy!

All I can think about lately is starting another business! Imagine that...having not been trounced thoroughly enough by the business world...I desire to remake myself within it's twisted punishment.

You see, I am somewhat obsessive. When I get something into my head (like building a theater room), I can't stop until I know everything there is to know about it. I don't rest until I do it, and can't stop thinking of it until it's done. It's of that quirk that I should be guaranteed to find a good job. I should be focused on it. Obsessing about it. I should be living and breathing it...but I'm not, and it's ruining me.

I find myself thinking (quite responsibly) for a short spell about finding employment, then I relapse into obsessing about starting my own rodbuilding component company. Planning, calculating, dreaming, theorizing and...wishing. It's damnable frustrating because I then feel guilty for wasting so much mindfuel on what, by all accounts, would probably be a losing enterprise that would provide less of the sorely needed income than unemployment. But I can't shake it. My mind races constantly about the possibilites, stopping only briefly to engage in argument with itself about the looming realities of neglecting the search for more...ehm.."promising employment".

Then to make matters even more antagonizing, I start to wonder if all this thought and effort about being once more a "bidness" man is'nt what it's really all about. Afterall, this is how ideas become reality. This is how hard work becomes fortune. This just may be myself telling myself to go down the one true path and ignore the diversion of finding gainful employment.

Or maybe it's just me being obsessive ol'me. The same as when I saw my future wife for the first time and said aloud "that's the girl I'm going to marry". The same as when I poured every resource I could think of into how to obtain a $26,000 bassboat before I even has my drivers license to tow it around. The same as when I became convinced that Jefe and I could really build a home theater from the ground up on our own. Night and day of living the idea to the finest detail in my head, at the expense of other things around me. It's how I work. It's how I tick.

Funny thing is...they were all successful.

I've Been Remiss..

in keeping up with this blog. Things are starting to level off for me a little, but I am still unemployed. I finally am able to receive unemployment compensation, and that helps a bit...but the bills are adding up at a much faster rate.

I'm forced to contact at least two employers every week to receive my payments. Funny thing is, there is no differentiation placed on what skill level or pay scale you seek. I'm a former CEO who can now contact McDonalds for burger-flipping duties and keep his unemployment money coming in. Cool. When I mention a six figure salary for doing it...they never call back. But I jest somewhat, because I really would like to find gainful employment. I'm just not sure what I want to do quite yet.

There is still so much going on with the business closure that I should still be getting paid full time for my duties there, but I am not. I'm negotiating the sale of three commercial properties, getting sued every week, closing a business AND looking for work all simultaneously. Oh and don't forget...I cook and clean at the homestead while the perennial breadwinner does her thing. Got a load of towels to wash as soon as I get home.

In short...I'm still alive. I've got my Zoloft and my friends, along with many, many, damn good bottles of wine. I've got unemployment coming in, and HDTV in two rooms to kill the time. What more could a loser ask for?

How about a better self image to start. Yes tis true. The Gomer you all know and love...secure in his shit, intelligent to fault, and master of his domain...has sunk to new levels of self pity and loathing. I believe it has begun to sink in just how fucked I really am. Although I reach daily for my bootstraps on which to give a heave...I never seem to find them. It struck home with thunderous doom the day I was asked, when inquiring about a management position, "describe your management accomplishments and provide examples of success using figures and achievements".

"Well let's see" I'm thinking. I'm 38 and never worked for anyone except my family business. Oh yeah dude, did I mention how I ran it into the ground when I became President? Record time my friend. I had that Company completely turned around in five years..that's right dude...five short years to utter failure. But enough resume' chit-chat, let's see what you've got to offer me in the way of a big freakin salary."

"Good day Mr.Gomer. You'll be hearing from us".

And that's all she wrote.