This weekend is my wife's High School reunion, and I gotta say I'm a little defensive. No, I am not going, and Jodi is alright with that although she clearly would prefer that I attend. I have numerous reasons for not going, and she is very understanding about it.
I'm a tad nervous because I used to fear competition from some of her guy friends when we dated in High School. She was a real catch, and like a dog with a good bone, I was overly protective at the time. I saw her male friends as rivals because she was close to them, and teenage boys often have trouble separating physical attraction from friendship. It all seems so stupid now. I trust her implicitly in any situation involving other men...never even think about it...except these other men. Start the hate mail now, I know...I'm a bad man. It's a holdover I can't shake from my teenage years that is completely irrational, but as I said, it's holding over and I can't shake it.
Maybe it is because some of her old guy buddies are still around, still single, and still "cruising" the bars. Guys like that are opportunistic feeders, and a drunken reunion may just be the ticket to rekindle some deepseated attraction that alcohol could help play out.
Maybe it is because she used to get harassing prank phone calls during our early marriage from a stalker that I KNOW is a former member of the High School clique, but whose identity is still unknown (believe me, If I knew who this was, they would still be taking nourishment by straw, and I would probably be in jail). But someone, possibly someone attending this reunion, at one time could think of nothing else but her. Freaky.
Believe me I know...I should be going with her. But doing that would just reopen all the anxieties I have worked hard to put in the past. She is more than capable of handling herself (can you say Kick boxing instructor?), so I don't fear in that respect. It's more like I am ashamed to admit that I won't trust her for a weekend. It only happens once every 5 years, so I should be able to get through it again.
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2 comments:
I am so confused!
1. You are an adult, aren't you?
2. If there is a trust issue, why are you letting her go alone?
3. If everything you said is true, why are you making her go alone?
4. Are you sure she is really comfortable going alone? And if she is comfortable going alone, doesn't that worry you a little?
--D
#1. Unfortunately, yes. Remember, I said this is irrational, not juvenile.
#2. The only trust issue is the one I create in my head for these particular guys.
#3. I'm not making her, we both know by now that she will have more fun without my bored, non-dancing ass nagging her to go home the entire night. The calls stopped about 8 years ago, and I am sure she has forgotten them...but I haven't. Besides, like a said, anyone who tries to make her do something she does not want to is in for a serious ass kicking...from her, not me.
#4. Positive, and no is does not.
I'm sure you are even more confused than ever. There are many, many things I'm not saying that play into this as well. Guess it is kind of hard to understand for those who don't know me.
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