Railroad spikes

Let me throw out a mental image sure to get your blood pressure up, or at least get a rise out of something.

Sunday morning a middle-aged, rather attractive woman sits down with her family in the booth next to me at the local Perkins restaurant. She has on a tight fitting, grey cloth tank top that looks vacuum formed, and is obviously NOT wearing a bra. It's not hard to tell. Men are very keen at noticing these things.

Here is the really freaky part. Her nipples, capping off a pair of average breasts, were erect...and a good TWO INCHES long! Holy shit! You could have suckled a rhino with those things! To me, this begged a few questions in my mind as I ate my eggs and tried (unsuccessfully) not to stare...

Why on God's green Earth, would you not take this into consideration when dressing? If you know your nips can take someones eye out, would you not restrain them in some way? Some tape anyone? A bra for you today perhaps? Planning for an erection at an inopportune time is a way of life for a teenage boy, why can't mom have some foresight as well?

What the hell were the reasons for their perkiness in the 90 degree, humidity slick that was Sunday morning? I've seen my share of headlights before, but not without a cold pool, cranking A/C unit, or manual stimulation to blame, and NEVER...never EVER this large. We are talking a candidate for some type of experimental surgery here.

What the hell is your 13(ish) year old son thinking about mom's cans at this point? Do his friends pay money for pictures? Is not being forced to consider your mothers nipples in public reason enough for child services to step in? This kid is being set up for a major dissapointment the first time he rounds second base. Dad really should tell him during the "birds and bees" speech.. "and son, your mother's nipples are freaks of nature" lest he think we all get garden hoses to play with when we grow up.

What did this woman do during Gym (Phys. Ed. for those of you east of OH) when she had to stand naked in front of her peers who possesed a mere mortal set of conduit? Obviously it was not an unpleasant situation, or she would not now be broadcasting via the no-bra-needed channel, the fact that her mammaries were plumbed better than the local water system. Was she looked up to by her peers? Is this a sign in Femdom of gifted status similar to the boy endowed with a horsecock would be to his peers? I'll never know.

I could go on and on, but the rest is reserved for me in my head. In the end I felt bad for her. She seemed completely oblivious to the fact that her knockers could drill for oil. Dad looked the same way...he obviously had seen this before. Little Jimmy looked embarrassed, or aroused, or embarrassed to be aroused, and the waitress looked horrified. Me? I just looked, pondered, and ate my eggs with the newspaper squarely on my lap.