Mangosteen Shmangosteen

Over Easter weekend, my wife was engaged in a conversation with a cousin who, apparently, had just completed a sleep study. She commented to this person that I, too, had just done a sleep study; the results of which indicated that I have a severe case of "restless leg syndrome" and mild apnea. My legs could, evidently, be hooked into the local power grid at night to augment power generation...I flail that bad.

"Oh my", our cousin said. "Have I got the solution for him." "My friend's husband had the same problem until he started taking Xango". "It cured him, and it also prevents cold sores, treats irritable bowel syndrome, fights cancer and many other beneficial duties".

Being the good cousin that she is, Jodi immediately inquired the what, where, when and how of this Xango stuff. Furthermore, being pathologically unable to say no to anyone, she immediately procured some from her for the great price of $30 per bottle. The fact that it was so readily available did not raise any suspicion to Jodi whatsoever. I mean...dealers have been known to promote their products, dear.

Turns out (convenient) that the cousin is a distributor for this product. Xango is the juice made from the whole mangosteen fruit. Mangosteens are native to SE Asia, and have been used medicinally for centuries (albeit by the same persons who use powdered monkey testicles and tincture of lizard penis in their daily health regimen). I am to ingest 1-3 oz. of this product daily for complete relief of my helicopter legs.

Look up Xango on the internet, and you will be immediately reminded of the Amway system of sales. If you read through the entire web site like I did, you will come away with the feeling that there is something fishy about this whole thing. Methinks someone is making lots of money hawking juice that is not much different than any other whole food. I guess in this day and age, a food that at least does not contribute to cancer can be considered health conscious.

I started Saturday night with my first shot. Not bad tasting. From the hype on the Internet, I expected my balls to swell with vigor and my waist to melt away four inches right before my eyes. The only thing I think happened was a slight increase in my hearing sensitivity, as I no longer could listen to my wife talk about mangosteen juice. Go figure. I have 63 shots left to do. We'll keep you posted.