Let's talk about torture

Very simple idea. 1000 NordicTrak exercise machines (identical to the one in my basement) are bought by the Government and shipped to the detainee camp in Guantanamo bay. The "Enemy Combatants" are forced at gunpoint to use them at, let's say, 45 minute sessions maintaining an average of 6.5 MPH, three times a day. Not enough to kill a man...but goddamn close.

For every name they release (and I guarantee you they will), they are allowed to drop the required average MPH by 1 MPH. Each will immediately recognize the folly of their pursuits, and soon be lazily cross-country skiing at a 3-4 Mph pace, having divulged the names of at least 2 fellow terrorists. Multiply that by 1000, and you have real progress.

What can the press or the Public say about that? The Nordic track is not a recognized torture device (though it surely qualifies), and you are bettering the health of the detainee population. Radical Muslim Extremists would be terrified of any Western technology after being forced to use a NordicTrak. Jihad would be called for against Scandinavian Countries for the act of inventing cross-country skiing; gaining us valuable allies in the War on Terror. Soon we could airdrop thousands of machines into the border regions of Afghanistan...broadcast NordicTrak commercials into Iran as a deterrent...even send one as a gift to President Pervez M. in Pakistan with a wink and a smile.

It's all very simple, and if you have ever seriously used one of these machines you know it to be true...YOU WILL DO ANYTHING IN YOUR POWER TO GET OFF THE FRICKEN THING!

Foolproof.