Requiem for a Business

Today it is public so I can finally talk about it. My company will officially close this Friday the 13th. This has been a long and agonizing road that began last November, and it's a road I wished I could have a avoided, but all the detours I tried always led back to it. Now we are at it's end and the sign reads "Road Closed". It truly is an odd thing to plan one's own destruction. What has been my family's lifeblood since 1927 is now going to whither and die in a sure-to-be-painful "ordeal by attorney". Community shame, finacial ruin, and character assasination are but three of the things keeping company with the thoughts of my Grandfather rolling in his grave. He tought me much...I owed him more than I repayed in this role.

There are a lot of unhappy people today, not the least of which is myself and my family. It is unfortunate that all who will eventually think so lowly of me for uprooting their lives could not have been with me on the inside for the last 5 years. If they were, they would have seen all the things that were tried. They would have seen the emotional pain, the moral crevasses, and the routinue finacial torture I endured. I prolonged it for them, for their families and future. I tried for many years and many hundreds of thousands of personal dollars to salvage employment for 40 wonderful people; long after it was clear the writing on the wall foretold our demise. This cocktail of futility and responsibility has simply become more than one person can continue to bear, and what has continued beyond all reason and sound fiscal judgement, must now be abandoned altogether lest I be judged insane. It is too late, and I'm in too deep to make many positive steps for myself. Hopefully, those whose loyalty I counted for years will have better prospects. They deserve great things which I could not acheive for them. I wish them all good luck and happiness, and would want them to know I sacrificed everything I had to give it a chance.

So...it's off on my road to the future. Where that goes I have not a clue, but it's already socked in with a fog. There is very little money in drinking these days; even less in competitive fishing. The former I have developed a knack for, and the latter is but a boyhood pipe dream. Both are amongst the lowly few of my availible skills, though I've also gotten pretty damn good at owing money and being regularly ass-raped by insurance and oil companies. Those skills, however, don't ever seem to show up on a job qualification list.

While I appear bitter, I am really not. We all make our own beds in which we lie, I just had a couple of devious housemaids helping me with mine...and they were relentless. But instead of railing against that which could be proven culpable, I must blame myself. After all, the buck stops here, with me, and no amount of finger pointing will do a damn bit of good. The responsibility that will be placed at my feet by those who feel wronged is too complicated to explain. Better there be a single man at whom to thrust the spear of accusation rather than some distant chain of events. After all...it is I who will ultimately bear the legacy of the weapon's final stroke.

Henceforth when I sign on and post, it will be a different world and a different man. The whipping boy is dead...punished beyond recognition for events he could not control. In his place is a new man; born out of hope, and seeking a shovel that does not dig holes at twice his capacity to refill. I will NEVER be in this position again...ever. No man will rely on me for his livelihood, and no man will hold mine hostage. I'm through with unrequited favors, unacknowledged sacrifices, and ungrateful beneficiaries. I'm done with thieves, ill-informed neighsayers, and those whose ethics could not be found with an investigatory team. I'm tired of many, many things, but mostly I'm just tired of the fight. No...I take that back...I'm tired of losing the fight; but I battle no more for the war is lost. That, at least, provides some solace.